I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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