you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Found the puke drawer
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
