i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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