Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
