You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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