I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
