he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
