the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
