Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
