An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
