Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
