____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
