ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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