Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
