i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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