Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
