Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just puked most of my soul out..
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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