It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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