dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
