Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Of course I have a pirate flag
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
