I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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