Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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