Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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