we're chasing vodka with high fives
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
