Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
