is your mom at the bar?
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
