did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
