Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
