And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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