There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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