New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
