i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
