while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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