At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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