The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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