My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
