you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
