i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
