Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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