Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
you made out with another girl for some wings
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
