I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
