me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
