just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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