I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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