At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
