the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
