I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
