he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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