why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
