Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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