I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
40s are totally the cure
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
