Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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