i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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