I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
