good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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